Sunday, February 28, 2010

My Romance ... With Words

Posted by Purple Streak at 10:04 AM 2 comments

*edited post*

I read/heard somewhere that women are turned on by what they hear and men, by what they see (like that is news?!!?). I think know now that I don't (completely) belong to the class of human beings called 'women'. Reason? I'm (totally!) turned on by what I read – words. The fastest route to my heart ... Written Words! Remember my first and only love? Well, we started ... and ended L ... with words. The very words that held us together ... the (very true) words that were the foundation of our love ... Enjoy...

*Note: My words in Purple, my thoughts in Green and his words in Blue.

05-02-08

6.51am

What am I doing awake? It is definitely not the movie but can it be him? It can't be. Really! We just met like what - some days ago? And here I am feeling like this! He's dropping hints now; but when he comes all out, what do I say then? Honestly minus sentiments, all that emotional constipation and stuff, can this be for real? Things are moving too fast and besides the odds are not in my favour.

HE?

He is Ok. Makes me smile laugh! There is always something to say. I didn't ask it to be like this, I didn't force it this time around, it just came – honest! Am I sure?! I dunno. But, he IS ok. Have I always wanted Ok or do I suddenly do? Geez! He's not all that but then ... He's the first - and I really do mean first that does not want the same ol' same ol' stuff - of course I dig!

The rate at which things are going, it could be anytime soon. Then what am I going to do? Someone once said 'if you have just one chance to be happy, grab it before it passes away'. What if I end up losing? What if I may not even be happy from the onset? What if he is for real? And I let him go? Geez! I don't know!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Heart in Shreds

Posted by Purple Streak at 3:22 AM 7 comments

6th February 2010

2.24pm

In my short life, I've truly fallen in love just once. My happiness was short lived though. My folks said NO! and made us break up. I tried to get back with him when I was in Las Gidi and we've been in touch since then ... I stupidly thought we were back on track - after just one night.

Big Mistake! I called to arrange another rendezvous recently and you coulda knocked me over with a feather from my shock at his response. He said he could not make it ... that he was on his honeymoon! L

I'm hurting seriously. I have no one to call mine and my seemingly eternal loneliness has really started affected my reasoning. All I need is someone to hold me through this storm that has become my life. *sob sob* Is that too much to ask for?! My heart and my eyes are tired of weeping. I never really tried loving anyone again ever since my first (and only time) ... Where's the encouragement to?!?!?

But I really wanna know ... what is my offence?! Loving someone?! I don't get it! Am I a victim of his personal vendetta? I did him no wrong ... unless loving him too damn much has become a crime. I was a helpless pawn in the drama that surrounded our break up. Ok, I admit, I was spineless ... I could not even as much as raise a finger in our defence but really ... could I have fought both my parents?!? Methinks he has a share of the blame too ... I was not the only coward ... what attempt did he make to save our love?! The only image I had of him was of a dog running away with its tail in between ... what happened to being a man? Ehn?

The pain is ... oh Gawd! I was gasping for breath even hours after I got his 'turn-her-down' text. I could only scream into my pillow ... and hold myself to (miserable) sleep. Funny thing is I'm not sure I've got anyone that can really relate to my situation ... I had no one to call... My best girlfriends?! Both of 'em were asleep at the time ... Ironic, innit? I've never been asleep whenever they needed me...*sigh*

Like a' said, my 'tears stream' has run outta supply... If I'd known that it would hurt this much ... that what I felt was still as intense ... I'd never had opened my door that night. Now, my heart is cold ... stone hard ... broken ... in shreds...

Yours ... in Pain,

P. Streak

Monday, February 1, 2010

Diary of A Randy Spinster

Posted by Purple Streak at 1:52 PM 3 comments

Dear Diary,

This weekend … I was rather naughty – I admit. I'd been in my hotel room since midweek and the loneliness was suffocating! I called up my ex-boyfriend and boy! was it one night to remember. After much talk – we still had some issues to clear as regards our breakup … we got down to business. He kissed me … just like I remembered. He touched me with such eternal patience … I wondered if anything had changed. He held me … the exact way I loved to be held. He lulled me to sleep and then … watched me sleep. We shared our deepest thoughts and emotions and tears … for what coulda been. And then – the morning after … it was time to say goodbye. I had cried all my 'goodbye' tears a long time ago ... So, with a very strong sense of finality, I shut the door ... It was time for my heart to let go too …


Later – that evening, I shared my weekend with ma two best girlfriends. Only one comment stuck from our all 'girl talk' that day. My girlfriend said to me... 'You are just randy!' While my jaw almost dropped to the floor, I found it hard to put in one word in my defence. I could only ask my conscience ... Am I really randy?


In my closet now, I can speak up...

I find it hard to let go of my old flame. With him, I think – for the first and only time, I felt that alien emotion called love. Then, I could actually say those legendary three words and not laugh later at how stupid I'd sounded. I could be completely myself without fear of just being tolerated. He was the only one I could confide in of my every fear, insecurities, gossip ... he knew my every thought. He was my twin ... my best friend ... my brother ... my everything ... He knew me ... even much more than I knew myself ... that sometimes, it was just plain scary. Yeah, like everyone, he was not perfect – neither was I. He had his shortcomings but for the consuming emotion I felt ... I was ready to compromise. And then, it happened...


My parents said NO! and I couldn't fight them ... or defend our love. It was undeniably one of the most awful moments of my life ... I lost weight terribly ... depression became my middle name ... I lost focus ... I lost that light in my eyes ... I'd lost a vital part of me. From his end, it had seemed to me like he got over me real quickly ... now, a' realize that withdrawal was just his own way of recovery... On that night, I discovered that neither one of us had really gotten over us... We'd talked though ... about how getting back together would NOT! work out ... *sigh* I wanna rekindle ma old flame ... could that be my heart talking? ... or, just me being randy?!?!?!

p.s. This new blog template is dedicated to my two best girlfriends. With these two, I can totally be myself ... and THAT is the true meaning of friendship – freedom ... to be (totally) you! Love you lots, ma gurls. Chocolate Kisses.

p.p.s. My dear readers, the links above don't work L So, please, just try to ignore them, k? xoxo

 

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