Diary of A Randy Spinster

Dear Diary,

This weekend … I was rather naughty – I admit. I'd been in my hotel room since midweek and the loneliness was suffocating! I called up my ex-boyfriend and boy! was it one night to remember. After much talk – we still had some issues to clear as regards our breakup … we got down to business. He kissed me … just like I remembered. He touched me with such eternal patience … I wondered if anything had changed. He held me … the exact way I loved to be held. He lulled me to sleep and then … watched me sleep. We shared our deepest thoughts and emotions and tears … for what coulda been. And then – the morning after … it was time to say goodbye. I had cried all my 'goodbye' tears a long time ago ... So, with a very strong sense of finality, I shut the door ... It was time for my heart to let go too …

Later – that evening, I shared my weekend with ma two best girlfriends. Only one comment stuck from our all 'girl talk' that day. My girlfriend said to me... 'You are just randy!' While my jaw almost dropped to the floor, I found it hard to put in one word in my defence. I could only ask my conscience ... Am I really randy?

In my closet now, I can speak up...

I find it hard to let go of my old flame. With him, I think – for the first and only time, I felt that alien emotion called love. Then, I could actually say those legendary three words and not laugh later at how stupid I'd sounded. I could be completely myself without fear of just being tolerated. He was the only one I could confide in of my every fear, insecurities, gossip ... he knew my every thought. He was my twin ... my best friend ... my brother ... my everything ... He knew me ... even much more than I knew myself ... that sometimes, it was just plain scary. Yeah, like everyone, he was not perfect – neither was I. He had his shortcomings but for the consuming emotion I felt ... I was ready to compromise. And then, it happened...

My parents said NO! and I couldn't fight them ... or defend our love. It was undeniably one of the most awful moments of my life ... I lost weight terribly ... depression became my middle name ... I lost focus ... I lost that light in my eyes ... I'd lost a vital part of me. From his end, it had seemed to me like he got over me real quickly ... now, a' realize that withdrawal was just his own way of recovery... On that night, I discovered that neither one of us had really gotten over us... We'd talked though ... about how getting back together would NOT! work out ... *sigh* I wanna rekindle ma old flame ... could that be my heart talking? ... or, just me being randy?!?!?!

p.s. This new blog template is dedicated to my two best girlfriends. With these two, I can totally be myself ... and THAT is the true meaning of friendship – freedom ... to be (totally) you! Love you lots, ma gurls. Chocolate Kisses.

p.p.s. My dear readers, the links above don't work L So, please, just try to ignore them, k? xoxo